Ah, the dreaded breakup. Does it ever turn out well for both parties initially? I recently caught an article in the September issue of Men’s Health Magazine on “Navigating the Breakup”. Being that I just got out of a “complex” relationship I figured I was aptly qualified to write a piece on this. I have had experience where I am the “denial player” and when I am the “we are better off as friends” player. I must tell you, the later is much easier then the fore mentioned.
In the “denial player” role, I had just gotten out of a long term relationship that I hadn’t yet realized was an awful fit. I went through a series of “stages” if you will. I will do my best to navigate this with the help of men’s health. Be forewarned this is not a “dear diary” entry, nor is it anything else but a simple interesting piece on breakups. The reactions are broken up into him and her. The he situation would represent my being dumped from the long term relationship. The she relationship would represent me breaking up a relationship I thought I had always wanted, but it seemingly didn’t turn out that way. I encourage you to see how many checks you get as you read through this.
- Breakup occurs
- Day 1 (after dump day): Protest Stage
- Or as I like to call it the “WHAT THE F@*K” stage. This is where the denial player seems to go from one range of emotions to another. From despair to rage to intense love and hatred. Check.
- The study found that in this stage men tend to pick fights while girls tend to cry their eyes out. Check, check.
- 1 Week After D-Day: Obsession Stage
- “An MRI study conducted by Fisher and her colleagues found that the recently dumped show elevated activity in several brain regions, including those that control obsessive thinking, anger suppression, and output of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with risk taking.”Hmmmm….check!
- In this stage men tend to brood, that is by doing things with peers and not by talking about it. Women rely on close social networks to talk about their breakups. Check, check.
- 1 Month (after d-day): Worst is-over Stage
- Researchers at the University of Virginia studies people one month after a split, and found that they recently dumped were as happy as those still in relationships.
- Men tend to drunk dial their ex’s. That is, they tend to peruse their ex’s at least once. Studies show that you will always feel worse after making contact with your ex. Women on the other hand blame themselves. Even if they called it off, they are likely to own up to the entire fault. Unfortunately check and holy mother of god CHECK!
- 6 Months: Acceptance Stage
- “You’ll know you’ve reached acceptance when you wake up one morning and realize that you’ve gone a whole week – or longer – without thinking of you ex,” say Fisher.
- Men tend to ask out a coworker. Men tend to achieve equilibrium faster then women. Women tend to seek closure. This most commonly means showing you that she’s better off without you. Check and Double Check.
Overall this article caught my attention because it took my two experiences and wrote them down. The most shocking experience I had was the length of the acceptance stage. I remember not really being able to move on until January of the following year, an exact 6 month period. In the other situation, it was a lot harder to deal with because she proceeded through different stages. Overall I think it’s important everyone experience a breakup that really takes them down, because it is essential to know how that feels. Don’t ask me to justify it, but I think the long term breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me, because I was able to set my life back on straight. Breakups are so subjective, but if you ever think “why is this happening to me”, go out and play some sports or something, because it happens to everyone.
- Steve
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